


saints swimming in our sins

by overcastskeleton



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blind!Reader, Canon Typical Violence, Emotions, Force sensitive!Reader, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, The Force, brief mention of gore, not detailed though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overcastskeleton/pseuds/overcastskeleton
Summary: The reader gets hurt on a mission and struggles with the Dark side of the Force
Relationships: Din Djarin/Reader, Din Djarin/You, The Mandalorian/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	saints swimming in our sins

**Author's Note:**

> I've literally had this WIP since January and FINALLY finished writing it. I guess ideas just need time to marinate.

_THE PLAN_ was simple. Three steps: go to Corellia, find the asset and leave. No extra stops, no huge skirmishes, no injuries. Certainly nothing you and your armored partner couldn’t handle. 

You and Din were two steps in when it all went to shit. 

The scammer was way more heavily guarded than Karga had led you to believe. Din counted five goons surrounding the entrance to the rundown industrial building Jaa Lera was shacked up. They milled around, playing cards and drinking alcohol out of metal canteens that reflected the glow of the late afternoon sunlight. Their boisterous laughter rang throughout the alley. 

“They’re not very subtle, are they?” You mumbled, listening to the group from the abandoned apartment across the street. “You’d think he would keep a low profile given the large bounty on his head.” 

“Jaa’s not really known for laying low,” Din muttered, his attention on the infrared scanner in his hand. “I count ten more heat signatures inside.” 

You sighed. “Dammit. I wish Karga would’ve mentioned the welcome party.” You wiped the sweat gathering on your forehead. “Think they’re Imps?”

“No. Judging by the firepower, they’re low level mercs at best.” 

“Nothing we haven’t done a thousand times before,” You translated. 

You and Din had met by chance nine months earlier. Two bounty hunters who preferred to work alone, forced into dependence by an adverse situation. You found you worked well together. A well oiled machine that functioned off respect and skill. 

Since your partnership began you’d become the best duo in the Guild. When you were tracking someone down, they didn’t stand a chance. Which is why Karga had put you onto Lera, a notorious scammer and bail hopper. Only now, it seemed like he had purposely stacked the cards against you. 

Din slid the scanner back onto his utility belt. “Karga said there’s a sewer system under the building that leads to an entrance in the basement.” 

“Alright, so, I’ll go down and distract the ones by the door. You go through the sewers, see if we can ambush Lera.” You stood, and stretched, grimacing at the prickling feeling that spread up your legs. Din stood by the open window. You could feel his eyes on you as you checked and double checked the various weapons hidden on your person. 

“Hey,” he said softly, fingertips curling around your hip as you walked past him. “Be careful.” 

“Aren’t I always?” You smirked, and flexed your fingers towards the staff that leaned against the opposite wall; it leapt into your hand readily. You twirled it, savoring the weight of it, and the feeling of worn leather against your palm.

“No, you’re not.” He squeezed your hip. “You’ve got a thing for getting stuck in bad situations.” 

You felt the anxiety rolling off of him, muddying his already dark aura. You lifted your free hand towards his helmet, touching the cool, smoothness of his visor. His worry softened a little bit as his gloved fingers curled over yours. 

“I’ll be okay.” You rest your forehead against his chestplate. “You know I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can. You’re the most dangerous person I’ve ever met.” Came his reply, morphed by the modulator. But you could still hear the tinge of worry, feel the way his grip on your side tightened slightly. “But I can still remind you to be careful.”

It’s true, you may be a Force wielding sorcerer, but you were still human after all. Made of flesh and bone, blood and sinew. Such fragile things. Not weak like glass, but even steel shattered eventually. Of course, Din didn’t know the full extent of your powers. Didn’t know that you could end his life with just a thought if you really wanted to. It was a side of you that you did your best to hide from him. The danger that lurked just beneath the surface, tempting you with whispered promises. 

As far as he knew, you were all good, all the time. A bounty hunter with a magic trick. Not a ticking time bomb of evil. 

“I’ll come back. Promise.” You stood on your tiptoes and placed a kiss on the chin of his helmet. “And in the _unlikely_ event that I need backup, you can just swoop in and fly me to safety.” You joke in reference to the Rising Phoenix mounted on his back that he had just begun to master. “You just make sure no one puts a dent in your pretty armor.” 

He scoffs, but the dark clouds around him brighten. “Yeah, yeah.” 

You tapped your finger against his helmet affectionately, and took a step back. “Would you say we’re about fifteen feet up?” You ask, shedding your cloak, and tossing it to the side. 

“Yeah.” Din sighed. “You know, I hate when you do this.” 

“I do, but it’s faster than taking the stairs.” You grinned, walking towards the window. “See you in a bit.” You ran, and vaulted into the open air. 

You’d never get tired of the way your stomach dropped, and your heart hammered in your chest as you plunged through the air. The rush of adrenaline, and the wind against your skin was almost addicting. And then there was the other sensation, the one that used to terrify and confuse you until you’d learned to harness it and use it to stand in for the sense you never had. It tugged at the deepest part inside of you, interwoven in the very fabric of your being. It was one of peace, balance, and control, but also of chaos, death, and violence. You closed your eyes and embraced it, opening your mind and soul to its power. The world slowed around you, and you landed in a crouch, palm pressed to the gravelly soil. 

You stayed for a moment, just feeling the Force as it surrounded you. The ground vibrated under your touch, the planet pitching and shifting with the life Force of all those that dwelt upon it. It was this that you tuned into, letting it guide you like a second sight. You could feel the energy of the guards, suspicion giving way to curiosity, as they watched you, unsure of how to approach. Could hear the way their heartbeats elevated, and their breathing grew more shallow, even smelled the sweat that pooled on their skin as adrenaline pulsed through their blood. 

Finally one of them stepped forward, gravel crunching under his boot. “Halt!” He shouted.

You stood slowly, raising your hands into the air. 

“Drop your weapon!” He continued to inch towards you slowly. 

You tossed the wooden staff in the direction of his voice. “I’m here to see Jaa Lera.”

“What business do you have with him?” One of the others spoke up from the doorway. 

“One that’s gonna make me a hell of a lot richer.” You pulled the puck from your trousers and pushed a button. The hologram flickered to life, and a small image of Lera illuminated the dim alley. 

You heard the words _bounty hunter_ uttered in terse whispers. They surrounded you in an instant with their weapons drawn. You knew Din was lingering in the window, itching to draw his pistol, to jump into the middle of the situation and take over. You shook your head and sent up a mental flare, telling him to go. It’s sweet that he cared, but the last thing you needed right now was him charging in and drawing more attention to your already botched mission. 

“Guys, c’mon, don’t make this harder for yourself. _You should step aside and let me through._ ” Your words were laced with persuasion that infiltrated and tugged at the strings of their hearts and minds.

“We should step aside and let you through.” One echoed dully, lowering the weapon a fraction of an inch. But the others remained resilient. 

The first man regarded you with narrowed eyes. “What are you, some kind of sorcerer?” 

“Last chance to walk away. I promise it’ll be much less painful for you if you do.” You tried again, concentrating and pushing your will against theirs, but you hit a wall. 

_Well, it was worth a shot._

You reached out to your staff again, and smiled at the familiar itch on your fingers as it flew towards you. The goons gaped at you in shock, but by the time they all recovered, it was too late. You knocked one off their feet, and slammed the staff into the forehead of another. They both crumbled to the ground like ragdolls.

Three left. 

The others charged at you, and you set your feet, focusing on the tremor of the earth, and the source that bound all things. Power rushed through your body in pulses. You could _see_ everything, feel everything. It was like lightning striking metal; the jolt of it charged your nerves with a tingling fervor. 

Pressure built somewhere behind you, and the undeniable burst of a blaster sounded. You ducked, and the heat of the laser passed centimeters from your ear. The smell of burnt flesh filled the air as it struck home in the chest of the mercenary behind you. He yelped, and you felt the ties of his spirit sever. 

Two left. 

They circled you like sharks, fingers hovering over the triggers, ready to shoot at the slightest movement. 

“I don’t know what you are, but you’re outnumbered. Your powers aren’t gonna save you, _sorcerer_.” The one in front of you murmured. “Move, and I’ll shoot you.” 

At first, it must have seemed like you were going to give in. To drop the staff and comply with their demands for surrender. Instead, you closed your eyes, an old habit though it did nothing for your concentration, and turned to the source deep inside you. 

It sat, deep in your chest, tendrils of warmth and light. And something else, something darker and jagged, that frayed the edges. You pictured It floating free from the tethers you used to tie It down, spreading through your body all the way to your fingers and toes. You buzzed with It, this energy, this Force. Dark and Light tangled up together in a web that wrapped around you. 

You sunk into It, weaving the threads around you until you could not discern yourself from it. Giving yourself over to the power, until you and It were one; for better or for worse. 

They must have sensed it somehow, that strength that flowed through you, because the two mercenaries took a step back. Their hearts pounding in fear, the rhythm sounding erratically in your ear. 

Time slowed, as you tugged on the strings, wrapping them around your fingers. The Force rolled out of you, knocking into the two men and shoving them backwards. They hit the alley walls, bodies smacking into the stone with a sickening crunch. They crumbled at your feet, heartbeats echoing only faintly as you stood in the center of your carnage.

You’d never grow tired of this feeling either. This one of absolute power. The high of your blood as it sung and danced in your veins. Hot and heavy and intoxicating. You loved It a little too much. It was terrifying how much you craved It more than the Light. But you did what you could to tame it. To force it down into submission. 

The threat now over, you called It back to you. Fighting as the Dark beckoned you to go deeper, move a step further and eliminate the threat once and for all. You couldn’t give in. As much as you wanted to chase the addicting power of control and let loose the rage boiling inside you, there was a line that you knew you couldn’t cross. Because once you did, there was no going back. 

_Give in to me_ . It whispered, the cool, silky voice invading your mind. _What’s so wrong with a little more power?_

It was a battle that took all of your concentration, all of your willpower, all of your focus. Concentration that would have been better suited focusing on the first man you’d taken out, who now struggled onto his knees, his blaster shaking in his hand. 

You heard the blast moments before it hit you, the laser burrowing in right above your hip. Tearing and searing the skin. The world around you erupted in fire, and you screamed through gritted teeth. The steel of a knife was in your hand, and then lodged in your assailant’s throat with a subconscious flick of your wrist. Hot blood spilled over the carved blade, calling out to the Darkness that had answered so readily from inside of you.

Darkness that now overtook your features and muddied your brain. You pressed your hand to your side, whimpering in both pain and surprised when you touched blood and shredded muscle where skin should have been. You fell to your knees as another wave of nausea and biting pain washed over you. 

And fear. Crippling fear. Of dying in an alley with Din none the wiser. Cold, broken and alone. 

You reached out to him, a whisper all you could manage as your strength deserted you. Darkness cutting the ties of the tangled web. 

“ _Din...Din...Din…,_ ” you mumbled, drunk on pain, hoping he’d come before it was too late. That you could hear his voice one last time. 

His name was a rasped prayer on your lips, slipping off with less and less clarity as the stars closed in around you. 

_Please._

* * *

_DIN WAS HALFWAY_ through the sewers, shin-deep in what he _hoped_ was muddy water, when he heard your plea. A muted whisper that hung at the edge of his mind, and scattered almost instantly. 

He paused, head turned towards the exit, hoping, _pleading_ , he’d just imagined it. 

And then he heard it again, weaker this time, barely grazing the edge of his consciousness. 

_Please_. Your voice trembling like the last warbled notes of a tuning fork as they faded away. 

He ran. 

Blindly. Loudly crashing through the tunnels. Against all his better judgement. All rational thought, all reason, shoved to the side. The only thing on his mind was getting to you. Praying that he’d reach you in time. 

Din found you minutes later, lying at the mouth of the dirty alley, surrounded by the crumpled bodies of the mercs you’d taken out. His vision narrowed, tunneling in on your lifeless, bloody body. His heart leapt into his throat, stomach plunging and his world grew darker as his worst nightmare came to life right in front of him. 

You gone. His world suddenly plunged back into cold loneliness. No more of your warm smiles, you’re jokes, your soft touches. Of course, he should have seen this coming. Should have expected this sooner or later in a job where personal connections were a liability, and nothing good ever lasted forever.

There was no room for intimacy or love in a job where cutthroats and gunpowder ruled the world. 

His chest heaved, the armored plating suddenly too restrictive as he knelt beside your body. _Not now. Not like this_. When his last words to you had just been a noncommittal grunt, after bitching about you always taking risks. Not when he didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. 

He called your name softly as he pulled your body into his lap. “ _Hey_!” His voice cracked, breaking like the composure he’d worked so hard to keep up. It shattered now, as he held you in his arms, shaking your shoulders and whispering your name. 

Din brushed the dirt from your sweaty forehead with shaking fingers that trembled still as they travelled across your jaw, searching for a pulse. 

It fluttered weakly under his touch, and relief bloomed in his chest, like the warm hope of another day. It made his eyes sting, blurring his vision as he searched for the source of the blood. 

_So much blood_. Seeping from the wound on your side. He pressed a hand to it, and you gasped shallowly, face screwing up in discomfort. 

“It’s okay,” he mumbled, tearing a strip from your shirt and using it to soak up the blood. “Stay with me. You’re gonna be okay.” He said, to you or to himself, he didn’t know. 

Din pulled a bacta shot from the pocket sewn into the calf of his pants, and bit the cap off. 

You sighed quietly, peace smoothing out your pained features as the medicine spread through your bloodstream. 

Din shushed you. “I’ve got you, just _hold on_.” He stood, cradling you gently against his chest as the Rising Phoenix activated. 

You’d be okay. He was sure of it. Because he didn’t know what he would do if you were not. 

* * *

_YOU WERE FALLING_. Tumbling through the deep expanse of Nothing. There was no Light here, no warmth. Only Darkness, cold and everlasting. It curled around you, sharp and biting as it pulled you deeper and deeper.

Shadows, black and inky, writhed and twisted, forming figures and ghastly faces. They surrounded you, smoky cloaks billowing around them in wisps. You struggled in their grip, trying desperately to push them away as they formed a tight ring around you. 

“ _No_. Leave me alone!” You shouted, but they advanced all the same. “I don’t want to die.” 

Their agitated whispers filled your ear, their voices deep and grating, like the sharpened steel of a serrated knife. Their moans and groans trickled down your spine like ice water. You shuddered, hair raising on the back of your neck, as their fingers brushed your face in a cold, clammy embrace. 

_Join us._

_We can give you power._

_No more death._

_No more fear._

_We can make you whole._

_Heal you._

_Give you vision._

_Give you purpose._

_Power._

_Strength_ . 

_Resurrection._

Their promises whirled around you. Overwhelming you. Tempting you. 

_Give in._

_Stay with us_.

The Darkness closed in on you. Slithering over you in suffocating shadows that pulled you apart, filled your mind. There was no escape, It seemed to say. No other way out but--

_Surrender_ . It whispered. _And we will give you life._

The voices stilled as cloak figures extended a hand to you. An invitation, a choice. Stay. Let the Darkness overtake you, and receive their gifts. Give in and feel the strength of raw, unlimited power. 

_Peace_. 

After a lifetime of fighting, of struggling against this darker nature, giving in didn’t seem so bad. It would be so easy to just sink beneath the waves. To end the nagging in your gut. Silence the voices. The guilt. 

You stretched out your hand, fingertips brushing the sleeve of the nearest figure. 

_Good_.

And then you heard it. Just a whisper at first. A soft call of your name, that tugged at the back of your mind. Different from the grating voices of the figures in front of you. Soft where theirs were steel. Familiar where theirs were cold and foreign. 

Din. 

“Come back to me,” he said, and you could hear him clearer now. His voice, like a flaming sword, cut through the Darkness. “Don’t leave me.” 

The voices sneered, their hold on you becoming more hostile, more aggressive. You pulled your hand back sharply, looking up towards his voice as warmth blossomed in your chest. 

As long as Din was there, there was hope, and life.

Light. 

You leaned into that instead, letting your love burn away the shackles of your fear. 

_Traitor._

“I will never serve you.” You shouted, letting the warmth spread through your body, thawing out their icy hold. The voices hissed and recoiled as the Light reached the edges of their shadowed cloaks. “And I will never stop fighting.” 

_Then you will die._ They spat as they lunged towards you. 

* * *

_YOU WOKE_ with a start, sometime later. Could have been days, could have only been hours, you didn’t know. Couldn’t make sense of anything other than the pounding in your skull and the rawness at your side. The day’s events replayed in your mind, flashes and snippets of action. Grunts, pain, fire, falling.

Darkness. The choice. Din’s voice. Your refusal. 

You sat still, eyes still closed as you tried to focus on your surroundings. Slowly, but surely your senses returned. You were vaguely aware of being on a ship, feeling the familiar, quiet humming under you as it flew through hyperspace. The rigid metal of a cot pressed uncomfortably into your spine, and your head rested on a pillow. Not your pillow though; the scent clinging to the fabric was not your own. It smelled faintly of sweat and metal. 

_Din_. Your anchor. Your Light. 

You could feel him beside you, eyes downcast, but ears straining to hear every single one of your shallow breaths. His presence raw, thoughts clouded and loud. A spinning cyclone of chaos rattling around in his brain. 

“Din,” you whispered, voice hoarse and tongue heavy as lead. 

He snapped to attention beside you. “Hey,” he said, sounding as if he was barely holding it all together. “How do you feel?” He asked, lightly placing his hand on your bandaged side. 

“Like shit,” you mumbled, reaching out for him. “Fucking bastard got me good.” 

“He shot you right above your hip.” Din brushed a thumb over the edge of the bandage. “You lost so much fucking blood. You’re lucky to even be alive right now.” 

“Seems like I had a good nurse taking care of me.” 

Din’s fingers closed on yours gently, and he held them to his cheek. You ran your hand over his face, tracing new worry lines that you were sure were your doing. Your fingers settled on his lips, and he kissed your palm, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. 

“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered, voice wavering slightly. 

The words were his breaking point. The final crack in the dam of pent up emotions. Din leaned forward, face pressed into your uninjured side. 

You felt the warm tears dampen the blanket draped around your torso, long before you heard the broken sob he let out. His shoulders shuddered, sagging under the weight of his fear and anxiety. Things he’d clearly pushed down as he nursed you back to health, now bubbling up to the surface. You ran your finger through his hair, bearing the brunt of his catharsis. 

“You stopped breathing,” Din spoke through tears. “Once I got you on the ship. Your heart stopped, and I had to-- I thought…” He trailed off, unable to finish. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

It’s your turn to shush him. “I’m sorry,” you said, brushing tears from his face. “I didn’t notice him until it was too late.” You brushed your thumb over his jaw. “Did you get Lera?”

“Did I get— _no._ I didn’t get Lera, I came after you instead.” 

“Why?” You tried to sit up, and grimaced as pain twinged in your side. “You let him go?” You dropped back down onto the bed. 

“ _Why_ ?” He scoffed incredulously. “You were shot. You could have died-- you _almost_ died. And all you care about is a stupid bounty. 50,000 credits over your fucking _life_. Maker, you’re so fucking reckless.” 

Din wanted to lecture you. To tell you how selfish it was to throw yourself in danger like that. To curse you for your addiction to trouble. But he couldn’t. Not after the night he just had, staring at you while you drifted in limbo, straddling the boundary between life and death. Your shallow gasps amongst his whispered pleas to whatever deities held the scales. Desperate promises in exchange for more time with you. Things he didn’t want to remember, but knew he’d never forget. 

“I know.” You turn his face towards yours. “I’m so sorry. It was stupid. _I_ was stupid. I won’t do that again.”

Din leaned into your touch. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Your laughter, your smile. I took it for granted, and I almost lost all that. _Lost you._ ” He rambled. 

You wanted to pull him to you, to hold him against your chest the way he must have held you as he flew you home. You would if every fiber of your body didn’t scream at every minute movement you made. So, you made do, holding his hand to your chest instead, pressing his palm to your beating heart. Letting him find comfort in the solid rhythm. 

“I’m here.” You said. “I fought my way back to you. I could have given in, they almost had me. But I didn’t, because of you.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

You take a deep breath, blinking back tears that sting your eyes. You’d never told him about the evil inside of you, scared that your struggle would push him away. Scared that he would see you differently when he heard about the whispers that came to you at night. 

“There is this...Darkness inside of me.” You said with a shaky exhale. “It eats away at me every day, and I’m scared that one day, I’ll just let it take me. And after I got shot I— I almost gave in. But then I thought of you, and you gave me the strength to fight It. Because I don’t feel It when I’m with you. I only feel Light. You make the Darkness go away.”

Din was silent for a moment, taking you in. You wished you could hear his thoughts, could break through the walls he kept up so high. 

He squeezed your hand. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t want you to look at me any differently.” 

Din chuckled softly, pressing his lips to your bruised fingers again. “I’ve got so much blood on my hands, so many demons that haunt me every night. I’d be a hypocrite to look at you any differently when there’s just as much Darkness inside of me, if not more.”

“I killed him,” you said quietly. “The one who shot me. I couldn’t control it.” 

“I would have done worse to him. But doing one bad thing doesn’t make you a bad person. You taught me that.” 

You couldn’t see the love he held for you in his shiny eyes, no matter how desperately he wanted you to. But you could feel it wash over you in waves. Felt it in the way he squeezed your fingers, and brushed his lips softly over your own. 

“I love you.” Din whispered against your forehead. “All of you. Good and bad. Dark and Light.” 

It was something he’d known for a while now, but never really had the guts to say. It took you almost dying for him to find the strength. And now that he was sure you were okay, that you were not going to be just another ghost added to ones that visited him at night, he’ll say it everyday until his dying breath. 

But he didn’t need to say the words. You knew. You knew the same moment he did, all those months ago, when he’d made love to you for the first time. Could feel the tangible shift in his energy towards you as he kissed you deeply, hands roaming over your skin in a hot embrace. 

And you’d loved him, in that moment, for just as long if not longer, would have whispered it amongst the heady moans too, if the thought of doing it didn’t terrify you so much. You’d kept it locked away in your heart, but you did. Loved him recklessly, wholly and completely, with a depth and an intensity you hadn’t known could ever exist. So you said it, finally. Lips shaping the words with the conviction of a thousand souls. 

“I love _you_.” 

Because you did, really and truly. 

Din kissed you again. Anger, fear, pain, love, melding into it. Translated in the firm press of his lips on yours. You held him to you, repeating the three words over and over again into the kiss. A promise. A binding spell. 

Surrender. 

“Don’t die on me.” He mumbled against your cheek. 

“Never.” 

An unkeepable promise in your line of work. But it’s one he’d accept all the same.

He pulled away with a soft whisper of your name. “Stay with me.” 

There was no uncertainty or hesitation this time. He was the good in you. The light that kept the dark urges at bay. And you were his. 

Your firm answer was just above the rustle of a turning page. 

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr for more: [generaldamneron](https://generaldamneron.tumblr.com/)


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